只剩下問候

By, Regina Lim 19 April 2011

感情再深, 恩義再濃的朋友, 天涯遠隔, 情義, 終也慢慢疏淡. 不是說彼此的心變了, 也不是說不再當對方是朋友, 只是, 遠在天涯, 喜怒哀樂不能共享. 原來, 我們已是遙遠得只剩下問候, 問候還是好的, 至少我們不曾把彼此忘記....

I came across this posting from a friend and have been touched by it ever since.  The funny thing about the social networking site, Facebook, is that it seems banal and at times shallow to take it too seriously but then, strangely it works like an emotional machine churning out beautiful words and thoughts that strike a common chord.  

It reads, in my modest effort to translate and understand, ‘Friendship, no matter how deep, how gratifying will slowly run out of its depth.  That’s not because our hearts have changed, or we no longer treat the other as a friend.  Just that in real life, across the vast horizon, it is impossible to share the minutia of emotions.  It turns out that we could only leave a casual greeting or two, but greetings are good enough, at least we will not totally forget one another…’

This posting reflects deeply about friendship, about human relations dealing with the aspects of reason and unreason, about the time when life takes us walking, treading the lines between these two.  The heart begins to explore the multiple dimensions of madness, sadness, joy, ecstasy…like being drugged without the real chemical substances.  It exposes our deepest need for connection, in this world that is so alien to each and every one.  We are all so alone and the feeling of loneliness can be all consuming.  At times it can drive a person to want and seek companion for the sake of companionship, and sometimes taking one another for granted without realizing, without being aware of each other’s real needs.

Sometimes we forget that just being friendly is actually less demanding than fulfilling ‘neediness’.  The difference between friendship and friendliness is that the former becomes structured in relationship where certain ideas and norms start to constrain the conducts of the people involved.  Whereas friendliness is a state of being, of simply being friendly, regardless of what has changed.  It seems easy to say but it is a very difficult task to achieve.  It makes one think hard about what is left to salvage when your heart is broken, cheated or betrayed by a friend.  It is like reading a book, turn the pages casually the meaning will be lost, understand it deeply the heart will start to bleed.  When the heart bleeds, life becomes the work of art, not something static but it is dynamic, rises above the mundane, and goes beyond the trivial stuff.  Is it possible carry the weight of a bleeding heart and paint it on a canvass or make it into a beautiful poetry?  Do we have the human capacity to forgive and not to look back in anger?

A wise man once said, ‘A person who seeks friendship, love, companionship, out of loneliness is not going to find it. But if you seek friendship and love and companionship out of aloneness, you are a flooded river, a river in the rains. You can share as much as you want. And the more you share, the more you will have’.